Source: / Victoria Fakiya, Nigeria

Three nights ago, I was in one of my friend’s room discussing with my friend and her roomates. We talked about a lot of things after dinner. While discussing, one of her roommates called our attention to a story on Instagram. It reads, Girlfriend Shuts Down Her Boyfriend for not Putting her on the Same Level with His Mum. The boyfriend complained about how his girlfriend was comparing herself to his mum. Unbelievable! Why would she? Well, she is his girlfriend not some maid, so, she deserves same treatment? Allow me to share the story with you.

Girlfriend asked her boyfriend for money but he said he did not have such money. He screenshot his bank balance and sent it to her but the girlfriend seemed not to believe it. She drew his attention to the one hundred thousand naira he sent to his mother the previous week. I bet the dude was dumbfounded and was defensive. She reminded him of the same amount he sent to his mum the previous month too; how she spent most of her weekends in his place; did the chores and cooked his food for the following weeks during the weekends and how “she f*#kd him to his satisfaction”. She later concluded that she is his mum too and she deserved all the financial care he showered his mum since both of them had been taking care of him since birth and for 8 months respectively. She needed 150,000 naira but he could only provide 10,000 naira. He found everything she said surprising and perhaps, in anger, he also reminded her of how he had been helping her; how they were not married yet and that she had no right to compare herself to his mum since she was not forced to do all she did for him and in his house.

That is the story. My question is, who is wrong? Was the lady right for demanding 150,000 naira? Was she right in comparing herself to her mum? Was the gentleman right in sending money to his mum without considering his girlfriend? When I asked people on my contact list, someone said, ‘The relationship is wrong. Why will you be in a relationship and be cohabiting on weekends like married couples? There’s bound to be issues’. That got me thinking but to be sincere, they are right though. The moment you start cohabiting and start living like couples, I think you should consider giving each other the couple treatment.

However, why would you as a lady live with a man when you are not married or be doing the chores and cooking? Must you cook and clean for him? When did you become his maid? Don’t you have something doing during weekends? Must you spend the weekends in his place always?

Another blames the man. He was like, ‘The guy is to blame for not knowing how to strike a balance yet claims to be a man. It is normal to expect that your girlfriend will get jealous when you shower much care on your mum alone. There should be a balance!’. Isn’t this becoming interesting? What do you think? Perhaps, the lady wasn’t demanding until she saw how consistent he was in sending money to his mum? Why would you allow a lady you are not married to do your chores and cook for you as a man?’.

Someone however said, ‘She’s comparing herself to his mum? That’s grave stupidity. And on the basis of care and sex, that’s outrightly calling herself a prostitute that must be paid’.

Wow! That was a bomb to my eyes when I saw it. Let me share another similar response, ‘See the entitled slay bandit asking for money she didn’t work for, just because she did some chores. Of course, she should be appreciated for that, and I want to believe he didn’t force her to do the chores. She went ahead also to mention sex. How funny! Perhaps, she probably lied down like a log of wood while he had the sex like it is a one way thing. As a matter of fact, women enjoy sex more. But the entitlement is too much. Just 8 months into the relationship and she’s acting like the assistant mother…’ I would like to dwell on the two responses.

Your girlfriend or your mother?

Dear ladies, why do you think your boyfriend should take the place of your parent or yours the moment you start dating? I mean he is your boyfriend not some ATM card which vomits money whenever you input the pin, SEX. Oh, that is how it is, yeah? Are you telling me he has sex with you just to pay you not because you also want to have sex? Let us be clear. What do you call one who collects money in exchange for sex? A pro-what? You see? People call a spade a spade when you have sex in exchange for money. If you want to have sex, have it because you want it and you want to enjoy it! Well, what would the society think? This is the problem. Who says a woman should not earn their money or initiate or have sex whenever they want? Why do men think they can lure women to having sex with them with their money?

Dear men, why do you think your money is enough to make any woman run after you? Why do you think with money you can make the lady you want have sex with you? Women are not sex objects that you can just see on the road, whistle at and make them fall for you just by seeing your fleet of cars, bags of money, well furnished apartment and the likes. Well, that is how it is? Men need money to be in charge and make the ladies be under them, you know.

Damn these detrimental stereotypes! A man sees a lady as a sex object who does not enjoy sex but his money while a woman sees a man as an ATM card who has access to her body through sex. Does any of these make sense? And I am like, can’t a woman make money on her own? Can’t a man have sex with a woman just because they both consent to having sex for the pleasure? What is with sex and money? Plus, that doesn’t make a woman cheap. Damn that stereotype. A woman’s worth is not in her vagina just as a man’s worth is not in his penis.

It’s pathetic how gender roles have shaped things which affect how both sexes act and react to situations. Since it is the man’s gender role to make the money according to society, the woman who does not work, according to societal norms, but baby sits, does house chores and allows the man to ‘fuck her to his satisfaction’ expects to be on salary by the man. So, in order to get money, the ladies start monetising sex. ‘He must pay me before or after this sex or how else do I make money since I’m not allowed to work?’ And the man cannot object to this because the concept we are talking here is sex!!

Do not get it twisted. When it comes to marriage, the couple involved knows how best to run their homes. I am not here to start telling you how to live your lives as a couple. However, even in marriage, it is advisable that a woman should work. Plus, it id fine if your man GIVES you money in a relationship. It is fine if your woman also GIVES you money but when either of you is always asking for things to be done based on conditions, then that is not a romantic relationship anymore.

So, it was gender roles that brought about the story. However, it is important to know that gender roles are now changing. Women now are making this money and are initiating sex and also having sex for pleasure not for the money anymore. Therefore, it is necessary we all as human beings work and support one another.

Somebody said, “have the money, girls will come”. I’m sorry to disappoint you, that does not work anymore. Perhaps, it does but you do not just get value for your worth these days. Women enjoy sex as much as the men and, they are making this money as well. So now, who came up with these stereotypes and roles? Dear ladies and gentlemen, it is time you put your hands to work and become responsible. Men, women are not sex toys you can get with your money. Both of you should have sex to enjoy each other, if you must. Women, men are also not ATM cards. Both of you make money to support each other.

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